Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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