So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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