Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
