I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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