I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
