Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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