i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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