Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
