So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
