Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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