Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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