maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
