OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
