woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
