$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
