just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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