There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
