In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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