Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is the high leading the old right now
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
