whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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