when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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