Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
