that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The power of my boobs compel you
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
