Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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