that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How's work?
Spinning.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize