my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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