if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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