Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
