my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Randomize
