he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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