i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
