She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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