your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just pee around me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
