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While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
