so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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