Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
