I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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