Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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