I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
