This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
