she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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