Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
