this boner is exhausting
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Boobs are out for the taking
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
