Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
