You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
