We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
