..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
