They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As shirtless as possible
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
