Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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