Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
