i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
