i don't like sucking hair
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
