i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
