so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
