I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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