It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
