you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
