and you said cock pushups were impossible
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize