nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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