Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
