Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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