Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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