So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
