For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
