I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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