For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
