I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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