I feel like abortions should bother me more
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
