I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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