is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
